Am I the only one wondering where September and October disappeared off to?
The end of August to the beginning of September has always been a period of new beginnings for me since I was 6, when I started primary school. In Kazakhstan, school starts on the 1st September and that day is special. From age 6 to 17, it meant a new year at school, new grade and possibly new classmates. Then it was a completely new level – university in a big city. And as I am a true exchange freak, the following Septembers were spent in new countries like Japan, Korea, and Sweden.
The last two years I was at CBS.
But this year, nothing new.
No studying, no lectures Monday at 8 am, no cycling against the wind no matter which direction it blows, no canteen boxes for DKK 15, no “let’s meet Saturday to prepare the presentation”, no living in the SP library and leaving when homeless people start arriving.
I thought I’d finally be happy to be over all that “not-adult-y crap”, but it’s hard to call this feeling happiness. It is more like emptiness. An era ended! An era from 6-year-old little me going to first grade to me graduating with a master’s at 25.
The first 30 minutes after I defended my master I was happy, relieved, with goals achieved, proud, and finally free. But then it was so empty. All of a sudden I started missing those group mates I never talked to, all the CBS community crowd, all the canteen employees who made the best juice in Frederiksberg.
I am a very self-aware person who loves analyzing human minds. But this time, life gave me a touché. I didn’t really know what to fill my life with. Of course, I still had a job and, overnight, time for all those TV series I loved when procrastinating instead of studying. But it wasn’t fun watching them anymore, as that sweet nagging “you should be studying right now, girl” had gone.
– Where did you go? I need you for survival, I say.
All that time gifted as your graduation present was too big for me to handle. So, every time a student ever considered the purpose of life instead of prepping for another exam is nothing compared to the same thought when you graduate. All those insecurities double in size, all those fears that you will end up being a mediocre human whose purpose in life is meaningless wake you up at night.
You dream of not passing your diploma defense, you dream you forgot to submit something and now CBS won’t let you graduate, you dream of cheating on some exam and being kicked out 2 days before graduation and all sorts of nightmares that reflect your state of mind.
In my case, I took a week off to go on an all-inclusive vacation to Turkey, so I didn’t need to make a single tiny decision whatsoever. I came back home and was still not enjoying life. So, I took a whole month off to go home and be with my family. It was one of the greatest decisions I made in this period of my life.
I helped them with decorating their new house, met up with old friends, took a tourist trip to a singing dune. It’s called that because when the sand flies, the dune vibrates and makes a sound like a plane engine.
Now I am back with less emptiness in me, happier, heavier, and definitely readier to move on.
I got an offer from my student job. I am happy to be back with my fun colleagues and it’s nice to be back home, on Vesterbro.
If I can give one piece of advice to graduates, it would be “Seriously, relax! Nobody ever died of boredom. You will refocus and find something else to procrastinate about, I am sure of that”