Independent University Newspaper
Copenhagen Business School

Popular searches:

Independent University Newspaper

Copenhagen Business School

I have it all. Maybe I could wish for bread with no calories or to win a million dollars

I have it all.

When I close my eyes every night before I go to sleep, there’s nothing else to wish for – well okay, maybe I could wish for the existence of bread with no calories or to win a million dollars, but none of those are very likely to happen.

I’ve got a great job, prestigious and with a great future; it’s the job I dreamt about for years and I worked so hard to get. I’m graduating in a month, with great marks and an awarded thesis that I spent nights writing. Everything is going perfectly in my workouts, I can do things I didn’t think I would be able to do. I even found a date.

I have it all.

If my birthday were tomorrow, it would be hard to think of three immediate wishes – more specific than “love and peace for all but especially for my mom” – because all I’ve ever wanted is right here. If I want something, I can easily buy it. All my needs are satisfied: if I’m hungry, I eat. If I’m tired, I can sleep on a comfortable bed under my roof at home. I’ve got a family waiting for me every night when I arrive from my day.

I have it all.

I know a lot of people who wish they had what I do, and probably cringe at the sound of my daily complaining. There are people out there rooting for me and admiring me for my achievements and my strength. There are people who love me and care for me.

I have it all.

Yet why do I feel nothing? Why do I feel empty? I’m like the numb meme of Squidward – the best character in SpongeBob and probably in cartoon TV – who goes through life feeling nothing. Why do I feel like I’ve got so much more to do, and none of my achievements are enough? Why am I not happy with the way I’m living, when I’ve got it all?

I’ve always been hungry for more. My hunger has led me to wonderful places, it has forced me to always give my best and be the best version of myself. My hunger got me the prestigious job and the discipline to go from “sucks at sports” to “quite okay”, it got me from being 40 kilos overweight to losing them, it let me be the best in my class at university, and it is also my hunger which is making me write this right now. But… how much hunger is too much? What’s the line? When is it finally time to just relax and let life happen for a while?

All of us who are way too hungry are out there, making extreme efforts and suffering at the thought of something going wrong. We are (or I am) not sad or depressed, we can appreciate the things that go amazingly well in our lives, but it’s just not enough. This random thought in the back of our heads wakes us up in the middle of the night: “okay, your GPA is good but we can’t allow others to have a better GPA than you!”, “everyone can speak 3 languages nowadays, you need to speak at least 5”, “are you sure your new boyfriend is funny enough?”

My biggest fear is that I’ll never be happy or even okay with my achievements and the things I’ve got. I’ve always been the same way: I fight so hard to get something, and as soon as I get it, it completely loses its value. That’s exactly why I make my purchases in pairs of two: I love the dress that I see in the store and buy it because I truly want it, but as soon as it’s mine, I need to buy something else.

And while all of you might be thinking “this might be something that you should talk to a therapist about instead of just writing about it online” – and yes, you’re completely right – I hope that someday the hunger will diminish or simply end, that I’ll stop being as hungry as when I randomly get up at 3 am or after a night out. Instead, I’ll just be happy with what I have, and be able to buy a shirt without needing to buy another one the next day.

There has to be a way to be successful without going crazy along the way. A way to not end up like I see myself ending up, having a complete mental breakdown where I break a window and insult everyone I know, to then proceed to escape to India for some sort of “spiritual cleansing”.

When I imagine my future, I want to see happy kids and a tall redheaded husband who loves me, and not loneliness and a recent divorce because “maybe this guy is not good enough and I can find something else on Tinder”.

I always try to end my articles with silver linings and the truth is, for this one, I don’t have a great silver lining. Maybe I’ll just say what my mom says when my hunger becomes unbearable and I cry for hours for no reason: everything will be alright.

Yes, I know it’s the most stupid thing to say to a person who is in the middle of an anxiety attack about their future, but just trust it: everything will be alright. You have made it this far, and although you cannot see it, you’re amazing.

Everything will be alright.

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

I have it all. Maybe I could wish for bread with no calories or to win a million dollarsby

  • News

    Why so sudden? The CBS financial crisis explained

    Employees and union representatives have posed many questions in the wake of the 17 August announcement of a firing round. In this interview, University Director Arnold Boon explains how Senior Management has been working with the budget and a change of financial strategy since the fall of 2022, and why layoffs are now necessary.

  • Blog

    Uncertain times: Essential for business schools to understand their market

    The alliance of European business schools met at CBS in June to enhance recruitment strategies, stay informed on industry trends, and analyse where the global economy is heading. The CBS MBA Programmes shares some key take-aways from Associate Dean and Professor Jesper Rangvid’s presentation.

  • News

    Working hard all summer: Bachelor Admissions

    The employees in charge of bachelor admissions at CBS are a small exclusive team. They ensure the validity of diplomas and the fulfilment of entry requirements for bachelor’s degrees at CBS – and, not least, that the applicants get the necessary help to upload the right documentation and find their way around the application procedures.

  • News

    Union reps want transparency about redundancy packages

    The unions are hoping for a fair process – and the AC club is calling for transparency about redundancy packages. Academic union representatives expect that actual dismissals can be avoided among faculty members, whereas administrative staff are expecting layoffs.

  • Gif of the week
  • News

    Snapshots: CBS staff busy preparing for a new semester

    For the staff at CBS, the weeks and sometimes even months leading up to study start are spent busily preparing for new and returning students and a brand-new semester.

  • Guide

    Those odd little words

    Some words of advice from CBS WIRE’s proofreader Helen Dyrbye, a British expat who has lived in Denmark for decades. Here she explains a few tiny words that can occasionally spell BIG trouble.

  • News

    Community is key for study start 2023

    This year, showing both new and returning students the concept of ‘community’ at CBS is a top priority. There is room for everyone, and you can find others that share the same interests as you. Those are the key messages from the Student Communications team. This is highlighted by two campaigns, during the introduction week and at the Bachelor Kick Off.

Follow CBS students studying abroad

CBS WIRE collaborates with Videnskab.dk

Stay connected

Close